No matter how much you do, time put in, love and support. You're bound to get slammed by the ones you put everything out for. Such is today. Right now, I can't really talk, can't believe I'm actually typing, but it helps. Calming maybe. Today I discovered just how much my students have been breaking the rules of the school, lieing to myself as well as parents and principal, and was threatened by one through a chat with one another.
I keep asking myself, what did I do? how did I fail these girls? Because that's how I feel, I've failed. But no, that's the devil just trying to bring me down more and more. It's a battle that's all . . . God's got the war covered and already won . . . still hurts.
I should trust the insincts God gave me and acted on what I noticed earlier. AHHH!!! stop second guessing!
A few weeks back I knew something wasen't right, the attitude of the students was getting more and more negative. . . tense . . . long story short, I'm afraid I no longer have 9th graders. One may be allowed back, but they are all hurting so much and don't have an outlet except that which hurts themselves and those who care about them. It's terrifying and devastating all at the same time.
I cried so much today, after they left it was very difficult to not burst into tears. God helped me with it though, and I don't think it was to apparent to my other students how upset I was. I love my students . . . I care about them and about thier salvation. Oh to see the pain in thier parents faces. God help them all! Give them wisdom, patience. As my cousin, former elementary principal, said, "you send them away, but the parents have them for the next several years" I wish so much we didn't have to send them away, but for the safety and educational interests of the other students in the school, it had to happen. Policy not withstanding.
Please, friends, pray for my students and thier families. And for me too. I'm feeling rather sad.
And a word to my former students/campers who visit here . . . I love you all so much, and I'm soooo proud of you all. You're a bright spot in my day to know that you are out there, and you will succeed, you have succeeded through the toughest part of your teens. You're in my prayers guys! Please, never let me hear this happening with you! Stay strong and trust in God!
2 comments:
Katie!!! I'm so sorry to hear all this. I can't believe this is happening to you. I won't ask for anymore detail because I bet its even hard to re-accure the story.But lieing to you and to all the higher authorities. I wish I can give you a great big hug, but this will have to do. *HUGS*.
I WILL most certainly pray for you and for the students and parents. I will pray for God to help them find the truth in Him and that God does love them and is trying to get in their hearts.
(prayer:)
Dear God,
I ask that you be with Katie today and for all the students. I know it might be tough waking up in the morning with a heavy load on ones heart, but please with with all the staff and really, really be with Katie.
I ask that you also be with the students, help them to know that you are with them in everystep they take in life. Guide them to do the right direction and to make the right choices. I know how hard it is Lord, to be a growing teen and truly needing help without me realizing it, but just put your hand on everyone today and tomorrow and the day after.(forever)
oh yeah... please be with the parents, as they are the ones that the kids can look up to even when school gets out.Help them to be a better mentor and show these kids the proper directions in life.
We all love you Lord and I know you know this prayer even though its a tryped one. =)
-Amen
Katie... I hope this made your day a little better. I will always care and love you. YOU are the one who brought joy to me especially at camp. Even thought you are in N.M, prayers sure can fly. =)
love ya, -Carly
Slappy,
Im so sorry honey, I know how much of your heart and soul you pour into "your" kids and to have such horrible things come on you and them is obviously no fun. We're keeping you and the kids in our prayers...
May your day be filled with sunshine, and the rain clouds "GO 'WAY!"
Love,
Happy
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